im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
