You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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