I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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