just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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