I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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