wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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