playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
PANTIES FOUND
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