I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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