can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your cock deserves a montage
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize