In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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