Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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