Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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