I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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