my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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