No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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