I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
