one two three fourrrrnication!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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