Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
