I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
