wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize