I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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