Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize