All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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