Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
