Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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