i would punch a child for taco bell
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
