I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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