he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
