you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
