they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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