I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
