I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
