i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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