I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
