but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize