We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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