he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
