Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
