oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
