areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
