I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
