You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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