My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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