New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
