His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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