the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
