you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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