But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
even my farts smell like vagina
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
