Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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