He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
