just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
