My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Text me some of your sweat
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
