So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
