I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
