When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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