I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
