I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
