I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
