The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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