I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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