so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
