I didn't shave. On purpose
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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