I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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