She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
