as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
