PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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