dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
