They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
