it wasn't lemon gatorade
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
