So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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