she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize