Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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