just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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