every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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