u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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