BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
