I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
