He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize