Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
