would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
