Non-Jews are for practice
We need to rekindle our bromance
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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