we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize