do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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