nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize