I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
