Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dear god my vagina.
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