either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
