You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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