How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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