she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
