The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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