Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
