smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
