not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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