is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
