Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
