dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
