I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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