Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
