Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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