Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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