You're a womanizer and a bitch.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
