My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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