OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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