I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
