Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
