she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
