he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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