omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
