I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
